This year starts off where I am sure a lot of peoples’ years start off—with folks taking advantage of some of the gizmos and gadgets that have flooded out in recent months, designed to make life simpler. Now, while I don’t profess to be a Luddite, ever since losing my eyesight I’ve been loathe to embrace a bunch of these electronic thingamajigs because, frankly, I find most of them useless. I always preferred my DayRunner to any hand-held PDA or Palm device. I never wanted a car with the temperature and weather conditions displayed on my side-view mirror. Shit, I just got into my car, after all—I already knew it was raining or cold and didn’t need a computer to tell me. Did I really need a substandard digital camera in my cell phone, or to avail myself to any number of a zillion annoying ring tones that sound more like a walkman whose headphone jack popped out than an alert to tell you, hey, pick up the goddamned phone?
Well, the first of this year’s examples of those with less-than-sparkling intellects is an unnamed driver from Bedford Hills, New York. Relying on the ever-popular GPS device which was directing him where to go, this astute fellow followed the instructions given, even when the GPS directed him to turn onto railroad tracks. Yep, you gotta love global positioning systems. And I honestly mean that. My wife needs one if she wants to go around the block, she is so directionally challenged. But at least my wife looks up and pays attention to her surroundings. This guy? Driving onto railroad tracks?
You can guess what happens next. His car gets stuck on said tracks, and of course, there is near-harmonic convergence and a Johnny Cash moment. “I hear that train a’ coming…comin’ round the bend…” as a locomotive bears down on the driver. Unable to get the car moving again (presumably he didn’t wait for the GPS to tell him to get out while the getting was good), the driver bailed just in time. Despite the driver’s attempts to alert the engineer, the oncoming Metro North train was still chugging along at 60 MPH when it turned the car into a junker, ripping up 250 feet of track and stranding several hundred passengers for hours.
The kicker? The guy driving? He’s a computer analyst. Folks, you can’t make this kind of stuff up.
I know it’s great to be able to rely on technology to help keep us from getting lost, to remind us when its time to change the oil, even to put gas in the tank and air in the tires. But if you’re relying on a GPS system in your car to the extent that you drive onto train tracks and you think you’re doing good? Maybe next time try a map and pay a little more attention. Losing a car and shutting down Metro North for hours because your GPS told you you were in the right place? That’s just plain moronic.
