Moron of the Week

Christopher Kurt Hoffman came to my attention this week after he got into an altercation (if you can call it that) with an 81 year old Florida woman who won’t be named here. This guy’s 24 years old, goes six-foot-one, and arrived at his ex-wife’s house to pick his children up for visitation last week, when everything went down. Hoffman apparently had a none-too-pleasant exchange with the childrens’ 81 year old, five foot two inch great-great grandmother, which ended with the bozo punching her lights out. His own account confirms he decked her, striking her in the face hard enough to require four stitches around her right eye, after which he left the scene. The victim’s family called the police, and informed the responding officer that when the woman requested to talk to Hoffman regarding the children, he proceeded to spew spit and vile names down at her. The general opinion is that Hoffman was enraged because his ex-wife (ex-wife, smart move on *her* part) has gone ahead with her life, and is involved in a relationship with somebody who not only loves her and the children, but whom the children love as well.

When the cops picked him up, Hoffman told the Vero Beach Police that this elderly lady had hit him three times after he got out of his vehicle and he struck back in self defense. Huh? Self defense? Are you freaking kidding me? This ass has her by 57 years, nearly a hundred pounds and a foot in height, and he thought his only option was to slug great-great granny in the face? Yeah, *there’s* a story I hope he takes into the clink with him. That one’ll be a real winner around the lunch table.

“So, newbie, what’re you in for. Jamarcus over here’s in for assault with a deadly weapon and grand theft auto. Merv’s in for rape. Chuck over there’s in for double-murder. What about you?”

“Felony battery on a person over 65. I laid out an 81 year old great-great grandmother. But…it was self-defense, man, I swear it! She was all up in my face, y’know? So I had to send her to the hospital.”

Can you imagine how *that’s* going to go over in the clink? Oh, and in case you’re wondering why Hoffie didn’t just call the cops when the octogenarian was (allegedly, ahem) giving him grief, here’s why. He had a warrant out for his arrest, for failing to pay child support. Yep, real Father of the Year candidate, ain’t he? Of course, that doesn’t take into account his previous arrest for possession of drugs and paraphernalia from back in March, either.

Hoff’s mom posted bail for her scumbag son, to the tune of ten percent of five grand bail. $500 for sending an elderly woman to the hospital in front of her great-great grandchildren. Bet his mom’s real proud of how he turned out, huh?

Let’s hope a judge and jury take this guy out of circulation for a while. And that maybe prison takes care of the rest. No shortage of morons inside the walls, so maybe the wrong combination will save all of us some headaches…and future trials.

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Moron of the Week