If you’re not familiar with the term, it’s become quite the popular Twitter hashtag. And, if you’re not familiar with what a hashtag is, just stick with the overall concept: Epic, and fail and you’ll be all right.
1) JaMarcus Russell
Now, without question, the biggest bust in NFL history. And, I’m not talking breast size. Recently arrested for possession of a controlled substance (probably the only thing he controlled, his passing accuracy with the Raiders was nonexistent), this guy looks to have all but pissed away a career that easily could have been worth a few hundred million, due to his laziness, lethargy, and a work ethic that makes my cats look industrious.
2) The Obama Administration response to the BP oil spill.
Actually, ‘response’ is kinda stretching it, because almost three months in, and there’s hardly been one. Oh sure, some trips, some speeches, a televised address. But…where’s the actual *response?* Where’s the acceptance of international help from the 30+ nations offering it? Where’s the waiver of the Jones Act in order to have the best-equipped ships in the world circling the Gulf non-stop? Where’s the EPA to step in and take over, or the Army Corps of Engineers, once it became obvious that nothing BP tried was effective in protecting the entire Gulf of Mexico and American coastline? Where’s the free access to the beaches for the media, since BP swears up and down that it isn’t using private security firms like Talon and Wackenhut to prevent reporters from seeing the true magnitude of the devastation? Basically, where is the leadership, which should’ve shown up somewhere around day 5 of this disaster?
3) New Jersey Nets.
Jay-Z? That, and oodles of money, was the best you could do in trying to woo LeBron James to your sorry franchise? With Chris Bosh already off the table, and the Knicks having snagged Amare Stoudemire, then LeBron darting to Miami from Cleveland, where’s your backup plan? Six teams wanted James, and only one could get him. As other free agents rapidly disappear, you’re next move is…what, exactly? Have Jay play power forward?
4) Lindsay Lohan.
What, do I really need to spell it out? Is there anyplace this celebrity train wreck *isn’t* an epic fail, except in the being-able-to-drink-you-under-the-table department?
5) France’s World Cup soccer team.
Wholly embarrassed first by their play on the field, then by internal strife, then by their players’ mutiny and refusal to practice, the 2010 World Cup squad shamed an entire nation. Sorry, I don’t care if you believe the coach is doing a lousy job. When you suck in terms of being competitive, and you refuse to practice, you can’t blame the coach for not putting the ball into the net. And, last I checked, it’s a really, really, really big net. Plus, consider this. Given how few substitutions are made, and how long you prepare, how important is the coach when it comes to the players’ actual performance? Your 11 best guys can’t work hard, practice hard, and play a faster tempo than the coach directed? When your country’s best athletes are on the pitch and the wheels are falling off, what? You’re not men enough to forego the coach’s strategy and play aggressively? Play to win? It’s not like the coach can pull all 11 of you if he doesn’t like the style of play, so what gives? Why be such whiny bitches in front of the whole world? Oh, wait, I forgot. You’re the French. Never mind.
6) Nancy Pelosi, in claiming unemployment checks are a great job creator.
Huh? Really, Nancy? Yeah, let me get this straight, because I’m not sure which school of economics you’re subscribing to. Unemployment checks, which represent a fraction of what you *used* to make when you had a job, is essentially survival money. And that pittance of former wages is supposed to be a good job creator…how? By taking taxpayer money away from the employed, who could use it on discretionary spending, and giving it to people just looking to get by, we’re growing the economy? Is that really what you tried to say last week? And you’re still in office??? No doubt, there’s truth to your claim that it’s money that goes right back into the economy. People use it to buy necessities. But, given how you brag about how you’ve passed this over and over and over and over and will pass it again (extension of unemployment benefits), can you please explain why unemployment is still around 9.7%? Do you honestly believe that the jobless rate is based solely on an economy of bread, milk and egg sales? Get real. The best job creator is lower taxes, private sector growth, and households with increasing disposable income for discretionary spending. If 50% of the people in the country were all getting unemployment, trust me, the job growth and economic benefit wouldn’t support your premise, just as it doesn’t right this minute, especially since unemployment’s risen since Obama took office, it’s risen since you became house speaker, it’s risen since you and your pals took over congress in 2006, and that’s *despite* multiple-passages of unemployment benefits extensions. Sorry, just the facts, ma’am, which show you to be a clueless boob.
7) The dismissal of General Stanley McChrystal.
Uh, remember when it was General Shinseki criticizing Bush for not having enough troops in theatre and he became the darling of the left and the mainstream media? When John Kerry spoke his name like a mantra? How it was speaking ‘truth to power’ to be critical of leadership? Tell you what. Go read the Rolling Stone article. The whole thing. Most of the critical comments? Made by aides and associates, several unnamed. Read what McChrystal actually said. Then, think back. Oh yeah, McChrystal was put in charge by…Barack Obama, who dumped the previous General. And why??? So McChrystal could conduct a review of Afghanistan war policy, make recommendations, and turn the war around. McChrystal does it, and Obama sits on his ass, so McChrystal talks, and everyone freaks. Recall, however, that Obama *did* adopt not only McChrystal’s strategy, but grudgingly gave in and increased troop levels. Funny, criticize a republican commander-in-chief, and the world’s your oyster. Criticize a democrat commander-in-chief, and be summarily removed and replaced, by the *same* guy the left ran ads about, labeling him, “General Betray-Us.” Uh, you see any such MoveOn.org ads shredding Obama’s new man in Afghanistan when that announcement was made? Nope. Not a peep.
8) Joran Van Der Sloot retracting his confession.
Oh, he was tricked into confessing to murder? The FBI lured him to Peru in an attempt to sting him over the Natalie Holloway disappearance? O-kay…sure. You know, I have no clue why the FBI luring Van Der Sloot anywhere is really important, because unless he can prove it was the FBI who walked into his room on videotape with that woman, and the FBI who walked out and left her corpse behind…who gives a damn *how* he wound up in Peru? The key is, he and a woman retired to his room. Only one of them left still breathing. I don’t care if space aliens transported him there from Holland on the say-so of Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith acting on behalf of the U.S. government, bottom line is, that dead girl? She’s on your tab, Joran, no matter how much you try and muddy the waters. Why you were there isn’t remotely as important as what you did once you arrived.
9) The Mets trade talks for Mariners ace Cliff Lee.
Are you serious? Was Omar Minaya just blowing smoke, or really trying to pull off a trade? With…what, exactly? And, how was he planning on paying Lee? Lee was available before, and the Mets didn’t make the move, yet they somehow thought that now, because they’ve been overachieving, that they could get the Mariners to just give him away? Look what it took the Rangers to get him, guys, getting into the bidding just looks plain embarrassing now.
10) Jonah Hex.
You know, it didn’t matter that I couldn’t see the Jonah Hex flick. I was happy it was finally going to get made. If you want to know how long this one’s been kicked around, I could still see and was doing comic conventions regularly when the notion of a Jonah Hex film first started gaining traction. So, too late for me to enjoy it, but so what? I missed the long-discussed fourth installment in the Indiana Jones franchise, but I was still glad Harrison Ford donned the fedora again. Along the way, I find out that the movie is going to have big budget special effects, nobody’s going to pretty up Hex’s scarred face, that solid actors (Josh Brolin and John Malkovich) are going to star, and they filled out the sex appeal quotient by casting Megan Fox as Lilah. Hex is a bad ass, it’s a western, should be a cinch to make a fun comic-book movie, right? Well, how the filmmakers managed to so destroy everything (from concept to credits) I’m not quite sure, but this sure as hell looks like one cinematic Hindenburg. Malkovich, I’m told, is awful. Brolin mumbles almost unintelligibly throughout. Fox is shriekingly bad as Lilah. The movie only runs about 80 minutes—and ten are credit sequence! Just a debacle, and Roger Ebert had a great line about it, check out his Twitter page, I won’t spoil it for you. I’ve seen several reviews, (Sci-Fi wire had one of the best), and this movie makes Giglie seem like a critical darling. Oh well, so much for that franchise…
